I’ve always had this embarrassing habit of writing things and putting them online, only to get bored, abandon it, and repeat the cycle. It’s been ages since the last time I actively published any posts. During that time, the idea of coming back to writing kept popping up in my head, but every time I thought about it, I’d convince myself I’d run out of time, get tired of it, or just use daily busyness like picking up my son at daycare and watching Dr Stone as an excuse not to do it. Kind of like those YouTube ads that say, “Procrastination isn’t your fault.”
And yet, here I am again, as if I weren’t afraid of repeating the same mistakes as before. Hooray. My chemistry hero George whitesides had a quote saying like that a repeating same mistake is insane. I have to try let George down. Hooray.
I think the problem with putting your writing out there in public is that it inevitably comes across as some form of cringe-worthy narcissism. Like, “Hey, listen to my unique thoughts,” or “Here’s a slice of my life.” It’s a bit like a Yngwie Malmsteen guitar solo. Not that it’s intentional—it just sneaks in unconsciously. Readers may not actually perceive it that way, but the disconnect makes me lose steam and quit. Or I quit because it feels inconsistent with my own sense of integrity.
But time has passed. When I’m older then I am wiser now, more grounded, and hopefully past making such naive mistakes. Maybe. At least that’s what I tell myself as I sit down to write again.
I’m a researcher in chemistry. I’ve been in the U.S. ever since my PhD, though I did all my schooling through my master’s in Japan. Now I’m working as something like a senior researcher at a U.S. university, focusing only on research. Here, I want to write about research, nanocrystals, life in America, technology, investing, U.S. politics—things that are tough but also fun in their own way.
